Avenue Q the musical
by Spot'sGalFrom1899
Summary: This is the WHOLE AQ musical the catch? My friends as the chrcters. You can read it if u know the ppl or if you want to know the whole script. Cuz i no a lot of ppl who havnt wchd AQ on stage.I am guilty I'll put where I got the script on my profile later


**Me: OK SO! I've wanted to make an Avenue Q fic for a while, but I've actually never seen AQ so I was gonna just do the songs with my bff's as the characters when I found this AWESOME website where it had the AQ SCRIPT! So I read that and was like. 'Hey might as well do it all right?'**

**Angel: Aren't you finished yet?**

**Me: *sighs* I captured Angel from Maximum Ride, she's a HUGE pain in my ass!**

**Angel: Then let me go!**

**Me: Can't, everyone else is taken. Anyway, this is the Cast. Most people won't know the people, but whatever...I'll put their Username if they have one.**

**Princeton: Jeremy  
Kate/Lucy: Maddie (Me)  
Rod: Lily (lilycat808)  
Nicky: Ruby (rubyqueen808)  
Trekkie: Jessica  
Gary:**** Anja****  
Mrs. T: Lauren  
Bad Idea Bears/BIB: Katheryn  
****Kara  
Brian: Amanda  
Christmas Eve/CE: Katie**

**ACT I**

**The Avenue Q Theme**

**ALL OF US:**  
-The sun is shining,  
It's a lovely day,  
a perfect morning  
for a kid to play,  
but you've got lots  
of bills to pay --  
what can you do?  
-You work real hard  
and the pay's real low  
and ev'ry hour  
goes oh, so slow  
and at the end of the day  
there's nowhere to go  
but home to Avenue Q!  
You live on Avenue Q!  
Your friends do too.  
You are twenty-two  
and you live on Avenue Q!  
You live on Avenue Q  
You live on Avenue Q!

**What Do You Do With a B.A. in English? / It Sucks to Be Me**

**JEREMY**  
What do you do with a B.A. in English?  
What is my life going to be?  
Four years of college  
and plenty of knowledge  
have earned me  
this useless degree.  
I can't pay the bills yet,  
'cause I have no skills yet.  
The world is a big  
scary place...  
But somehow I can't shake  
the feeling I might make  
a difference  
to the human race!

**ME**  
(spoken)  
Morning, Brian!

**BRIAN:**  
Hi, Kate Monster.

**ME**  
How's life?

**AMANDA**  
Disappointing!

**ME**  
What's the matter?

**AMANDA**  
The catering company laid me off.

**ME**  
Oh, I'm sorry!

**AMANDA**  
Me too! I mean, look at me! I'm ten years out of college, and I  
always thought --

**ME**  
What?

**AMANDA**  
No, it sounds stupid.

**ME**  
Aww, come on!

**AMANDA**  
(sung)  
When I was little I thought I would be...

**ME**  
What?

**AMANDA**  
A big comedian on late night T.V.  
But now I'm thirty-two and as you can see  
I'm not.

**ME**  
Nope!

**AMANDA**  
Oh well,  
it sucks to be me.

**ME**  
Nooooo.

**AMANDA**  
It sucks to be me.

**ME**  
No!

**AMANDA**  
It sucks to be broke and unemployed  
and turning thirty-three.  
It sucks to be me.

**ME**  
Oh, you think your life sucks?

**AMANDA**  
I think so.

**ME**  
Your problems aren't so bad!  
I'm kinda pretty, and pretty damn smart.

**AMANDA**  
You are.

**ME**  
Thanks!  
I like romantic things like music and art.  
And as you know I have a gigantic heart.  
So why, don't I have a boyfriend?  
Fuck! It sucks to be me!

**AMANDA**  
Me too.

**ME**  
It sucks to be me.

**AMANDA**  
It sucks to be me.  
It sucks to be Brian...

**ME**  
And Kate...

**AMANDA**  
To not have a job!

**ME**  
To not have a date!

**ME and **  
It sucks to be me.  
(spoken)  
Hey, Rod, Nicky, can you settle something for us?  
Do you have a second?

**LILY**  
Ah, certainly.

**ME**  
Whose life sucks more? Brian's or mine?

**RUBY AND LILY**  
(sung)  
Ours!

**LILY**  
We live together.

**RUBY  
**We're close as people can get.

**LILY**  
We've been the best of buddies...

**RUBY**  
Ever since the day we met.

**LILY**  
So he knows lots of ways to make me really upset.  
Oh, every day is an aggravation.

**RUBY**  
Come on, that's an exaggeration!

**LILY**  
You leave your clothes out.  
You put your feet on my chair.

**RUBY**  
Oh yeah? You do such anal things  
like ironing your underwear.

**LILY**  
You make that very small apartment we share  
a hell.

**RUBY**  
So do you.  
That's why I'm in hell too!

**LILY**  
It sucks to be me!

**RUBY**  
No, it sucks to be me!

**ME**  
It sucks to be me!

**AMANDA**  
It sucks to be me!

**ALL**  
Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be?  
It sucks to be me!

**KATIE**  
Why you all so happy?

**RUBY**  
Because our lives suck!

**KATIE**  
Your lives suck?  
I hearing you correctly? Ha!  
I coming to this country for opportunities.  
Tried to work in Korean deli,  
but I am Japanese.  
But with hard work I earn two Master's Degrees  
in social work!  
And now I a therapist!  
But I have no clients!  
(smacking Brian)  
And I have an  
unemployed fiancé!  
And we have lots  
of bills to pay!  
It suck to be me!  
It suck to be me!  
I say it  
Sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-  
sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-  
sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-  
suck!  
It suck to be me.

**JEREMY**  
(spoken)  
Excuse me?

**AMANDA**  
Hey there.

**JEREMY**  
Sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for a place to live.

**KATIE**  
Why you looking all the way out here?

**JEREMY**  
Well, I started at Avenue A, but so far everything is out  
of my price range. But this neighborhood looks a lot cheaper!  
Oh, and look -- a "For Rent" sign!

**AMANDA**  
You need to talk to the superintendent. Let me get him.

**JEREMY**  
Great, thanks!

**AMANDA**  
Yo, GARY!

**ANJA**  
I'm comin'! I'm comin'!

**JEREMY**  
Oh my God! It's Gary Coleman!

**ANJA**  
Yes I am!  
(sung)  
I'm Gary Coleman  
from TV's Diff'rent Strokes  
I made a lotta money  
that got stolen by my folks!  
Now I'm broke and  
I'm the butt of everyone's jokes,  
but I'm here --  
the superintendent!  
On Avenue Q --

**ALL BUT GARY**  
It sucks to be you.

**ME**  
You win!

**ALL BUT GARY**  
It sucks to be you.

**AMANDA**  
I feel better now!

**ANJA**  
Try having people stopping you to ask you  
"What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?"  
It gets old.

**ALL**  
It sucks to be you.  
On Avenue Q.  
(sucks to be me)  
On Avenue Q.  
(sucks to be you)  
On Avenue Q.  
(sucks to be us)  
But not when  
we're together.  
We're together  
here on Avenue Q!  
We live on Avenue Q!  
Our friends do too!  
'Til our dreams come true,  
we live on Avenue Q!

**JEREMY**  
This is real life!

**ALL**  
We live on Avenue Q!

**RUBY**  
You're gonna love it.

**ALL**  
We live on Avenue Q!

**ANJA**  
Here's your keys!

**ALL**  
Welcome to Avenue Q!

**SCENE 1**

**AMANDA**  
So... What's your name?

**JEREMY**  
I'm Princeton.

**AMANDA**  
Hey! Buddy! I'm Brian, and this is my fiancé...

**KATIE**  
My name Christmas Eve. You so cute... very handsome... you single?

**JEREMY**  
Yeah!

**KATIE**  
Because she single...

**ME**  
OH! Christmas Eve!

**AMANDA**  
That's Kate Monster. She lives in our building

**JEREMY**  
Oh! Hi!

**ME**  
Hi!  
(Trekkie monster/Jessica throws a garbage bag out of his window).

**ANJA**  
Trekkie!

**JESSICA**  
Ooooh!

**AMANDA**  
Morning, Trekkie!

**JESSICA**  
Oh!, me no time to talk. Me busy... (He closes the window)

**JEREMY**  
And that's Trekkie Monster

**KATIE**  
He a pervert. You no spending time with him

**ANJA**  
Come on inside, kiddo! I'll show you the place

**JEREMY**  
Oh! Great!

**ANJA**  
We have many distinguished people on their best interest in this one, I trust?

**JEREMY**  
No kidding!

**ANJA**  
Mmmmm...!!!  
(Princeton and Gary leave.)

**KATIE**  
So, what you think, Kate Monster? He cute, right?

**ME**  
Yeah!

**KATIE**  
Ha, ha,ha... You go get him. A man responds to an aggressive woman. (To Brian) You! Go get job!

**AMANDA**  
Ok, I'm going! (He leaves)

**KATIE**  
See?  
(They leave).

**If You Were Gay**

(Rod and Nicky's apartment.)

**LILY**  
(spoken)  
Aah, an afternoon alone with my favorite book, "Broadway Musicals of the 1940s."  
No roommate to bother me. How could it get any better than this?

**RUBY**  
Oh, hi Rod!

**LILY**  
Hi Nicky.

**RUBY**  
Hey Rod, you'll never guess what happened to me on the subway this morning.  
This guy was smiling at me and talking to me --

**LILY**  
That's very interesting.

**RUBY**  
He was being real friendly, and I think he was coming on to me.  
I think he might've thought I was gay!

**LILY**  
Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this? Why should I care?  
I don't care. What did you have for lunch today?

**RUBY**  
Oh, you don't have to get all defensive about it, Rod...

**LILY**  
I'm NOT getting defensive! What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?  
I'm trying to read.

**RUBY**  
Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod.  
I just think it's something we should be able to talk about.

**LILY**  
I don't want to talk about it, Nicky! This conversation is over!!!

**LILY**  
Yeah, but...

**LILY**  
Over!!!

**RUBY**  
Well, okay, but just so you know --  
(sung)  
-If you were gay  
that'd be okay.  
I mean 'cause, hey,  
I'd like you anyway.  
-Because you see,  
if it were me,  
I would feel free  
to say that I was gay  
but I'm not gay.

**LILY**  
Nicky, please! I am trying to read...  
(NICKY stares at ROD)  
What?!

**RUBY**  
-If you were queer  
(**LILY** Ugh Nicky)  
I'd still be here,  
(**LILY** Nicky, I'm trying to read this book)  
year after year  
because you're dear  
to me.  
And I know that you  
(**LILY** What?)  
would accept me too,  
(**LILY** I would?!)  
if I told you today  
"Hey! Guess what,  
I'm gay!"  
But I'm not gay.  
-I'm happy  
just being with you.  
So what should it  
matter to me  
what you do in bed  
with guys?

**LILY**  
Nicky, that's GROSS!

**RUBY**  
No, it's not!  
If you were gay  
I'd shout hooray!  
And here I'd stay,  
But I wouldn't get  
in your way.  
You can count on me  
to always be  
beside you every day,  
to tell you it's okay,  
you were just born  
that way,  
and, as they say,  
it's in your DNA,  
you're gay!

**LILY**  
But I'm not gay!

**RUBY**  
If you WERE gay.

**LILY**  
Argh!

(They leave arguing.)

**So that's the first chapter! Yeah....well.....bye.....**


End file.
